


Every rose has its thorn

by KiliDurin



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:03:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4498059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiliDurin/pseuds/KiliDurin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of 19, Kili was married to Fili Durinson, a husband chosen to him by both of their families. The marriage was beneficial for both parties, but where Kili was quick to lose his heart to his husband, Fili's heart was still held by someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn't a ceremony on the most grand of scales, but it was certainly something.

Autumn arrived the day they were wed. The trees lost their green visage in favor of the gold and orange, littering the chapel yard. Flowers grew still as it grew colder, tulips, dahlias and white camellia. It smelled of lavender, of baked pumpkins, cinnamon and hazel nuts.

Fili was starting to abhor the scent, and the creamy colors of peach austin roses. They were a pretty contrast in dark hair, tucked in corsages pinned to lapels. Petals littered the floor of the aisle they walked, and the priest's droning voice was near enough to make Fili appear bored.

Even if his intended was a striking image. There wasn't any denial in that. But Fili found himself bitter at those eyes of his, dark and wide and a mouth set in an almost shy smile as he looked at him, their hands held as their vows were spoken. Rings were exchanged, and something in Fili's chest felt unpleasantly tight.

He felt... wrong.

“... may kiss.”

Blinking, Fili was almost startled by those words, and the way the other man looked at him made Fili's heart leap into his throat. He nearly jumped, shoulders tensing as Kili kissed his mouth. It was a soft gesture, innocent, virginal.

It left Fili's lips tingling slightly, and he turned his head on instinct, frowning a little at the floor.

Someone cleared their throat and the blond glanced up to catch sight of his father, frowning. His mother made a small gesture of her hand.

'Go on', she mouthed.

Fili swallowed, and forced an even expression. It was just for show. Just for today. After this, they didn't have to see each other. Just rings, and the occasional ball.

Turning his head to look at Kili, Fili touched his chin gingerly and pulled him closer for a proper kiss, a little firmer, and held his lips there until he heard the polite clapping of their families.

It dragged, in Fili's opinion.

Food, dancing. Especially the dancing. He did his duty as thoughts wandered, spent every moment of the evening at Kili's side, the shy, quiet brunet holding onto his arm. Or moving with him over the ball floor in a slow waltz.

Fili didn't know how to feel about the way Kili would tuck close to him, or how he looked at him beneath his lashes. It left something twisting in Fili's chest.

It ended, of course, with the blessing of both their guardians, and they were taken back to the estate beyond the chapel grounds. To a house they were supposed to share for the of their lives.

At least Kili looked around the estate with curious eyes, taking in the house that would be his home from now on. It was close to both their parents estates, but still far enough to have their own privacy.

The bed they were to share was spacious enough at least.

There could be space between them.

Fili sat on the edge of the feather mattress, undoing the pins on the formal jacket. He had half a thought to lay and sleep, or pretend to until Kili actually did. Then he would disappear until morning.

Glancing back at the other man, Kili seemed to watch him with uncertainty, a small frown playing his lips. Fili paused on the last button his jacket, leaning back a little, hand resting on the soft surface of the mattress. He considered his husband.

Husband.

Husband, it was still a strange word. One that felt heavy on Fili's mind, his tongue and shoulders. The ring on his finger felt as tight as the knot in his gut.

But this was the part where they had to act it now. Or at least play the part of lover, on Fili's half. He had an inkling of how Kili felt. Perhaps content to settle.

“Did you want to stand about in your shoes all night?” Fili asked, tilting his head.

"Oh." Kili shook his head to clear his thoughts, giving the man a small smile before sitting on the other side of the bed, slowly undressing himself.

Button by button, he tugged off the jacket, the flower from his hair and shirt. He folded them on the chair nearby, leaving himself on his undershirt as he started undoing the trousers.

Fili took a moment to watch him still, Kili carefully removing the garments from his body. He was strong, lean and well muscled. He could see that through the white undershirt, the shape of his body just visible. He could see the muscles of his back as Kili moved, and heard the drop of cloth as the brunet worked off his shoes and trousers.

Fili could still smell cinnamon, and the faint scent of the flowers.

Idly licking his teeth, Fili shifted up over the bed, leaning back against the hand carved headboard.

“Have you done this before?”

Kili looked surprised by the question, his heart stopping for a moment before he shook his head a bit. "Not really. Is it uh... is it going to be a problem" He asked quietly, sliding his trousers off before sitting back on the bed.

It surprised him, honestly. At first glance, Fili could make the assumption of Kili being almost as promiscuous as he was. Dark hair, dark eyes, rugged face. A well worked body toned by years of chores. Maybe fencing, archery, horseback riding-- women, men, anyone, with one look he could probably have them.

No, Fili wouldn't deny that the man he was forced to be with was handsome. But the bitterness was still laden on his mind. Beyond that shy appearance, Fili could only pick upon memories of his own choices taken from him.

Almost scowling at his knees, Fili relaxed his expression, heaving in a short breath. It would do no good for mood if he held onto his frustration.

“No,” The blond said finally, shaking his head. “But I also understand if you'd rather not.”

Kili turned his head, studying the man beside him carefully. He would not deny that he didn't want the man-- Fili was absolutely gorgeous, and he would be lucky to lay with someone like him.

Yet he couldn't help but feel like Fili felt forced, acting just because he had to and that was something Kili didn't want. He wanted to be wanted.

So he shook his head, tugging the covers over his waist. "It's fine, we don't have to do anything."

Blinking, Fili looked to the brunet who curled up under the comforter, laying against the fluffy pillows.

No coaxing, or guilt. No talk of the tradition to consummate. Fili assumed, at how close Kili stayed to him the entire night, that this is what he wanted. What soft looks he gave, how warmly he held Fili's waist during their dance.

Kili glanced at Fili at the noise of confusion, a small smile playing on his lips. "I mean... don't get me wrong, you're attractive. But I don't want you to lay with me just because it's expected or because it something 'were supposed to do'."

He shrugged slightly, crossing his arms under his head and stared at the ceiling. "It'd only make both of us feel worse tomorrow."

Shoulders sagging, Fili could only stare at him for a long time.

This was highly unexpected.

“... I...” the blond shifted slightly. “... thank you. That's... kind.”

Kili smiled a bit. He wanted them to be able to get along. And who knew, maybe if he showed what kind of person he was, just maybe Fili would truly love him too.

"Don't mention it." Kili smiled, closing his eyes.

It was easier to settle after that. Fili's body felt less heavy with tension. He could sleep without that hanging over his head. Kili didn't seem like the type to roll over and change his mind, still, Fili lay awake, staring at the canopy above their large fourposter.

A grandfather clock ticked in the distance, an heirloom probably from Kili's side. Fili listened to it, and the slowing breathing of the man next to him.

When it struck midnight, Kili was likely fast asleep. Quietly, the blond moved from beneath the coverlets, dressed silently and took to carrying his shoes. He slipped on the boots, and pushed today's events from his mind.

All but Kili's genuine kindness. Seemingly genuine, anyhow. Fili paused by the door to their bedroom, glancing over the sleeping figure of the man he was supposed to call his, contemplating further how this was supposed to go on.

Secrecy was tiresome, despite being a commonplace thing among nobility. But Fili had his to keep, and he selfishly hoarded the last bit of happiness his family denied him.

Shaking his head, Fili silently closed the door and left for the small province that held his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

It was very much after sunrise when Fili returned to the estate, a little later than he hoped to. He hoped that Kili was a late sleeper, and wouldn't have missed him.

Still, he smelled of sweat and a little alcohol, hair a mess and his neck littered with passionate memories. Fili tugged on his collar, pulling it up slightly. It did nothing to hide the bruises. He had half a mind to return to the bedroom, to slip inside the covers and sleep.

He didn't get much of it at all.

Stepping through the doorway, he didn't expect to see Kili awake and dressed.

“... good morning.” Fili said, mouth feeling dry.

"Oh, good--" Kili's sentence died out as his gaze landed on the obvious bruises on Fili's neck, ones that had certainly not been there the night before.

Fili unconsciously rubbed them, almost too aware of their appearance. His face felt hot, as if he were caught doing something he shouldn't.

In all honesty, he was. Technically, he was a sinner. A married man, who chose to keep his affair after being legally bound under the eyes of god and their families. Sworn to fidelity.

Unfairly sworn. But sworn all the same.

“I didn't expect to see you awake,” Fili said, trying to keep his voice even.

"...I'm an early riser." Kili replied quietly, gaze fixed on the half-empty plate in front of him before he pushed himself up hastily.

"I should...." He made a vague motion towards the backyard before slinking away like a cat.

Fili stared at the spot Kili stood at only moment before, feeling something twist in his gut. Guilt he felt he shouldn't have.

This was his life before. A love and a happiness he called his own. Some document and a ring shouldn't have to change that. His family shouldn't have to change that. This wasn't Fili's choice. This wasn't the life he wanted.

Not with Kili, it couldn't be right. Fili was so sure of this. His heart was to be for someone else, held in more delicate palms.

But why then did Fili feel so conflicted? How can someone feel so right at the expense of the emotions of someone else?

Fili shouldn't care. Kili was no one. A stranger, a man he only saw perhaps once in his past during a ball or tea when their mothers met.

Sighing softly, Fili ran a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. He moved forward a little, looking between the steps and the hallway that lead to the gardens in the back.

He followed Kili's footsteps. and found him kneeling on the ground, hands sinking in the dirt as he tugged out the weeds from between the flower bushes. Technically he could hire servants to do it, but doing something with his hands seemed to calm the other down.

Kili shoulders instinctively tensed as he heard Fili's steps come close to him, and he shook his head a bit.

"You had a life before this. I didn't expect-- I should have realized--" He shook his head again, staring at the weeds in his hands. "...Sorry."

Fili watched him for a moment, looking over Kili as he worked the flower beds, pushing soil with his fingers.

“Didn't you?” Fili asked. “You're young. You... you have to have had something before this. You honestly couldn't have wanted this.”

Kili shook his head again, an action he found himself repeating a lot lately. "I didn't have time to do much out of the studying and everything. Then I was prepared into this and well... It doesn't matter."

But it did matter.

At least the answers did. Bred and prepared for this? For marriage? It confused Fili. He lived his life how he wanted to, freely experiencing the world. He knew nothing of this until a week before they were supposed to.

When Fili's heart was beating at it's hardest, and a ring sat in his back pocket intended for a hand that wasn't Kili's.

“...How old are you?” Fili asked then.

Kili turned his head a bit, giving the man a tiny smile. "Nineteen."

That explained much.

Although, Kili didn't look nineteen. He seemed a little older. He looked like a man, in every sense. His face, to his body. But the more Fili looked, the more he saw his youth in uncertain eyes.

There was a hope there, likely. Where Kili would be given to a man or woman who would care for him. Someone beautiful and kind. Faithful, and dutiful.

Fili was none of those things. Yet he was willing to make those promises for someone else.

“That's...” he began.

It was unfair, on Kili's end. He was young and would now know nothing but bitter loneliness, tied to a man who didn't love him.

“I'm sorry.” Fili said then, swallowing slightly.

"Its not your fault." Kili replied immediately, returning his hands to the mud. And it wasn't. It was choice that was made for them, and sometimes.... it just didn't work out.

"I won't tell anyone. If they make you happy..." He trailed off, swallowing the lump from his throat. Nineteen and already in an unhappy relationship. At this rate he'd have grey hair by the time he was twenty-five.

“You should tell,” Fili said. “Get me chased out of town or shunned.”

No one liked a sinner. Even if Fili had caught men sinning a thousand times a day, willing to stone and preach in the name of god and deny the punishments themselves.

“You're being kind to me,” Fili searched Kili's face. “Why?”

"It would not benefit me to tell. It would only make our lives more miserable, not to mention the lecture our parents would give us about their 'image' is not worth suffering." Kili replied shrugging his shoulders a bit.

He glanced at Fili, smiling a bit. "I suppose... it's just that this whole thing was not our own choice. We both would have chosen something different, if we could. I can't blame you over something you had no control over."

Neither should Fili.

Already, Kili was proving to be a better man. A wiser man.

It made something in Fili's chest ache painfully.

“I am a poor choice for you,” The blond said quietly, shoulders sagging somewhat. Fili ran his fingers through his messy hair, pushing it back. “I'm not a good... I would make a poor husband. I am a poor husband.”

Kili deserved better than he, a man who only seemed to think of himself.

“Yet here you are, willing to compromise for a man who treats you badly,” Fili frowned a little. “... I cannot be the man you hoped I would.”

"No, you cannot." Kili agreed, wiping his hands on his jeans before standing up. "But then again, things don't often go the way we wish them to." 

He smiled a bit, brushing past Fili to get himself cleaned up. "I hope they make you happy." 

“Wait...” Fili hooked his fingers onto Kili's sleeve, stopping him in his tracks. He held the brunet weakly, looking at the grass space between them.

The blond let out a slow breath. “... let me... try.” Fili swallowed, looking up at Kili. “I can't be the perfect husband. A man who would love you in the way you want to be loved. But I can take those duties-- to care for you. To share the burden of the home. I cannot be your lover, but I would... like to try to be your friend.”

"...I'd like that." Kili had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the pained noises inside, swallowing few times before he smiled weakly. "I need to clean up."

He pulled himself away gently, and within minutes had locked himself in one of the bathrooms, standing under warm spray of water.f

Only in the safety of his shower did he let himself break, tears sliding down his chin as he sat on the floor hugging his knees against his chest. Tiny wounded sobs escaped his throat, and his heart ached so much he feared it would kill him.


	3. Chapter 3

Fili felt strangely vindicated by the setup nonetheless. It was a fine agreement. Kili said not a single word about his affair, and in turn Fili made the effort to provide the things the brunet needed. Still, Kili was quiet, reserved. He spoke little at the table, and was quietest at night.

They still shared the bed, as there was only one room in the house that had one. Fili considered for a moment, building another frame. Or commissioning one off a relative, so that he could have a space to himself. But the idea passed his thoughts almost too quickly at the mention of it.

Kili's smile was so strange, and for a moment Fili thought he caught a flicker of pain.

The subject wasn't brought up again, and Fili scrapped the idea. He had a desk built for the study instead. Another set of raised flower beds for Kili's garden. He discovered he rather liked flowers, tending and caring for plants. They could have easily gotten a gardener, but Kili insisted on growing the roses on his own.

He was good at it. And they blossomed beautifully under his touch.

The nights were probably the worst.

There were nights when Fili would stay home, watch some telly or prepare something to eat or perhaps read a book.

But then there were nights when he would leave, and return in the morning with more marks on his skin.

They never spoke about it.

When they had to, they would play the happy couple for the public eye and endure the teasing they got, as naturally everyone thought _Kili_ was the one marking up Fili. The brunette would laugh it off.

But Kili was hurting, he was hurting so bad that at this rate their whole backyard would be filled with flowers. 

Fili found Kili spent a lot of time there. Growing, trimming, planting. He would go early after breakfast, and return when the sun was starting to set, fingers and arms covered with soil. Or he would sit there and look over his hard work, admire his pretty plants, his blooming flowers.

Every bed was tilled, soft and moist for new seeds. Raised beds with bushels of weigela, lilac, viburnum and daphne.

It was vagrant, colorful.

It gave Fili a better idea of how Kili was, how he tended to things with careful and gentle hands.

Walking along the stone pathway, Fili paused as he looked around at the blooming austin roses. The same peach and gold color that adorned their wedding and littered the floors of the chapel.

They were lovely in Kili's hair.

Fili remembered how he looked. Shy and quiet, hopeful. Delicate, soft touches, careful eyes. Dark curls in contrast to white camellias and the fragrant peach petals in his hair and on his lapel.

“Beautiful,” he murmured.

"I know, right? They bloom at this time of the year." Kili murmured tracing the petals gently before resuming to pull out the weeds.

“I didn't mean the...” Fili blinked, and cleared his throat.

Right. Right, flowers.

“Of course. The roses.” The blond rubbed the back of his neck, shifting on his feet. He looked around at the bushels, face feeling strangely hot. He attempted to shake it off.

“I was thinking... fruit trees. Some time down the line.” Fili said. “Apple blossoms.”

Kili blinked surprised, turning to look at the yard. Some fruit trees on either side of the path would look really beautiful, he agreed with that.

"And perhaps some cherries too." Kili smiled, nodding his head.

Cherries had lovely blossoms. Pink and bright, innocent. They would be lovely in the spring, petals like fallen snow.

“Have you always gardened?” Fili asked.

"Yeah. It's always been a way to relax and escape reality." Kili replied with a small shrug of his shoulders.

“Not quite the past-time I thought you would have, honestly.” Fili said with a half smile of his own. He still felt strange, moving forward to gently touch the petals on the bush, fingers brushing over the stem.

Fili flinched, pulling his hand back. It was a small prick, but it bled nonetheless.

“Right. Thorns.”

"Every rose has its thorn," Kili sung softly, brushing his fingers down the seam before handing Fili a napkin from his pocket. "Use this."

He had a lovely voice, it was another surprise to hear. Fili watched him for a moment, before taking the napkin.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, wiping away the blood. “... so you do well to just be here then.” Fili stated, folding the little cloth once he was done.

“I thought you would take more time out. To the town, or... mingle with friends.”

"I've been out now and then, but I prefer staying home." Kili replied with another shrug, his fingers stopping for a moment before he glanced at Fili.

"...I still don't know how old you are by the way."

“I guess that's not an odd thing to wonder about,” Fili said with a half smile. “Twenty-eight. Twenty-nine in the summer.”

It was a large gape, and Fili was well aware of that. The blond's shoulders sagged slightly the more he thought about it.

Their life experiences greatly varied. Kili hadn't experienced much as of yet, or wouldn't likely thanks to the arrangement of their families.

Kili however did not comment to the information other than nodding slowly, focus soon returning to the flowers. "I'm probably going to the town later today, we need some supplies."

Fili nodded. “Might be good for you, I think.”

It seemed an isolated way to keep going. Walking, going home. Kili must have felt terribly lonely, with no one but Fili for company.

Even then, the blond was poor company to begin with. It wasn't hard to talk to Kili, in fact it was growing easier. The brunet never pushed, never stayed in Fili's presence for long, and only spoke when he felt was necessary.

He was akin to a subservient spouse. And Fili couldn't help but think he did it to hide how he was actually feeling.

Hurt. Unwanted.

Fili felt guilty for it. That was probably why he left as often as he could, despite what he promised. The blond still provided, he took the responsibility of maintaining their home. Kili never went hungry. He had clothes, and new seeds for his garden. Bulbs of tulips, potted plants.

Fili had absolutely no idea what they were when he bought them as small sprouts. Flowers or bushes, but Kili always found a spot, a patch of dirt to till. Their land was fertile enough.

So Fili spoke to him of that. Of small things. Flowers, their meanings. In time the blond learned their language, what he could say with stems and colors and types. Austin roses, with their gold and white hues. Marriage, unity, beginnings-- golden passion, energy and youth.

They blossomed as the garden's center piece, a heavy reminder on Fili's heart. A thorn, unmovable and painful.

Still, Fili kept going back to him. The man in the lower province, the one he did call lover, and found that the passion there was beginning to dim.

He returned late to the estate, mind heavy. He heard the water running from the bath adjacent to the bedroom. Fili paused by the door, and contemplated knocking.

Fili wanted to talk. He wanted to say something, to someone. It was a selfish thing, turning to him for an ear when Fili had been so... uncooperative, was likely the lightest way to put it.

It was wrong.

Placing his arm at his side, Fili heaved a small breath and moved to their shared bed, carefully undoing the laces of his boots.

At the moment Kili left the bathroom, having dried himself hastily before wrapping the towel around his waist. He was rubbing through his hair with another, smaller towel, humming quietly to himself as he walked in the bedroom and nearly had a heart attack at the sight of Fili.

He jumped back a bit, hand resting against his chest and he blew out a short breath. "Christ..."

Fili opened his mouth at Kili's startled gasp, looking up at the other man. Kili hadn't dressed yet, body moist with fresh water that still dappled sun-kissed skin. The blond's eyes flit over his exposed chest, his shoulders and arms, the memories of hidden contours beneath a white nightshirt coming back to him their first evening alone in this bedroom.

Blinking rapidly, Fili turned his gaze to a nearby wall, face feeling hot.

“Sorry, I should have knocked to...” The blond cleared his throat, having shrugged out of his own shirt. “To let you know I was home.”

"It's..." Kili shook his head a bit, walking to the wardrobe to search a night shirt for himself. "I just didn't expect you home is all." He replied with a small shrug, hastily tugging a shirt over his head to cover his body.

On the contrary, Kili was very lovely. His muscles were well defined, lean. He exhibited the youth of a young man who had just breached adulthood.

Fili couldn't deny how good he looked. How tempting he was. If things were different, Fili would have counted every lucky star.

Their relationship was shaky as it was. Almost non-existent, thanks to Fili's poor efforts. He was so preoccupied with himself and the things he wanted, that he left his young husband to fend for himself, so Fili could run to a man who was starting to lose interest in him.

He felt it now. Saw it in how they spoke, how they touched. The passion was dulling out. There was impatience. Fighting. Apologies that weren't really apologies. Yet Fili clung on, and hoped for the best.

Or had hoped, until tonight.

“I feel like I shouldn't have gone, really.” Fili muttered, moving to lay back against the sheets. He stared up at the canopy, determined to keep from staring at Kili as he dressed.

Kili frowned a bit at the answer he got, turning to look at Fili worried. He walked to the bed, sliding on his side and tugged the covers on before focusing back on the blond. "Want to talk about it?"

“No, I--” Fili glanced at Kili as he shifted onto the bed. The brunet looked at him with soft eyes. “... I do. But talking about it just doesn't seem right. It's twisted.”

Very twisted. Why should Fili go to his husband over his own _affair_?

"Don't think about that. Think of me as just another face in the crowd and talk to me. What's wrong?"

"You aren't just another face though,” Fili said, turning his head to look at him. “I'm supposed to... do right by you, and I'm not. You're my husband, that's supposed to mean something to me. It means a big deal to a lot of people who get married, but I didn't have a choice. So the word is just odd to me. At first...”

Pausing, Fili worried his lower lip. “... I hated it. I hated hearing it, referring to it. It's just a reminder that despite being almost thirty, I still can't make my own choices. I wasn't allowed a lot of things growing up. Things were decided for me. What school would I go to, what trade school, what sports, what clubs. These are my friends, this is my intended. I... I blamed you. Unfairly, for the decisions of my parents.”

The blond heaved in another breath. “I don't now, of course. You're kind of just tossed into this mess, trained up on it. You took up your role well. I did the bare minimum, just so I could run out to the man I _chose_. To someone I thought I could have a future with, and that's... falling apart.”

Fili rubbed his face down after a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The one thing I decide for me. The one thing I was so certain of, I was willing to keep rebelling for, and in the end we're... we're done. I just... it isn't so much him. I just feel as if I can't decide on my own. That my choices are wrong and they'll always _be_ wrong.”

Kili was quiet as he listened Fili vent his problems, all the thoughts that had bothered his mind and his life. And he understood.

"I've lived a life similar to yours. Granted, a shorter one and with some minor differences but still... the same. Yet I counted myself lucky to end up with you. For all I know I could have ended up married to someone who was over sixty and abusive. I always try to look at the bright side of the situations." He replied smiling a bit.

"I'm... sorry it's not working with you and him. You seemed happy with him."

“... I was. For a time.” Fili said, glancing towards the brunet. 

Kili's patience was unbelievable. He had thick skin, and he likely kept his tears to himself.

“... although, I can see you're completely miserable.”

Kili's smile dimmed a bit and he slid lower on the bed, making himself comfortable. "...It's nothing. I'm fine."

“You're a terrible liar too,” Fili said, still watching Kili as he made himself comfortable. “I hurt you. Even if I don't hit you, or physically tear at you, I'm hurting you.”

"It's not your fault. It's like you said, we didn't choose this. We can't force ourselves to feel something that's not there." Kili shrugged his shoulders lightly, turning his gaze away.

Still, Fili felt like he had done this entirely wrong. He knew he didn't do enough. Didn't say enough. He neglected Kili for months.

The man suffered quietly. Complained of nothing, worked in his garden, read books or walked. He shopped for food, did little errands and cleaned. Silent, dutiful. And the entire time, completely faithful to Fili.

It left the blond conflicted. Guilty, and above all unhappy. Fili wanted to believe he was a good person, that he was looking out for himself. But the weight of what he was doing, that's what strained on Fili and his current lover. He knew. He knew something with Fili had changed. 

“... we argued. Wasn't the first time.” Fili said quietly. “He thinks my mind is elsewhere. He isn't wrong.”

Kili frowned a bit, turning to look at Fili hesitantly. "Elsewhere? I'm.... sorry that you argued. Do you think you'll be able to fix it?"

“...No.” Fili said, leaning his head against the pillow. “Not this time.”

He couldn't focus rightly on him. Fili couldn't give him what he wanted. The blond was too lost on everything.

“I find that when I'm supposed to think about him I'm... thinking about you.” Fili murmured. “About my young husband, left alone in a house that's too big. I knew after these...” he held up his hand, the gold wedding band still on his finger. “... that he and I couldn't. But I clung on anyway. I feel remorse over what I've continued to do, because you're so... good. You're kind. Patient.”

Kili felt his heart skip a beat at the words, not having expected anything like that. His gaze landed on the ring on Fili's finger and he felt guilt, oh so much guilt for ruining Fili's life that way.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry this had to happen to you. If this hadn't-- you could still be happy with him." He sat up, running a hand through his curls.

"I could... I could get a divorce. Claim I'm too young, say it's not working because... perhaps I move away or something."

Fili shook his head, and placed his hand over Kili's, effectively shushing him.

“I remember how you looked at the chapel,” He said, voice soft. “I remember how much hope you had that I would be good to you. Good for you. For months I haven't been. You've been so miserable. So lonely. That's my fault. I'm not saying this out of pity, or just because I feel guilty over what I've done. I'm sorry, Kili.”

Fili gently squeezed Kili's fingers.

“I'm sorry for how I've been. You don't deserve that. I couldn't even befriend you, even though I said I would try. How little you still know of me, and how little I know of you other than your kindness, how beautiful you are.

I can't hope to make amends with him now. I can't hope to make amends with you. How can you trust my word after this?” The blond closed his eyes. “... I am a poor spouse. Yet with time, perhaps I can be a better one.”

Kili stared at Fili for a long moment, trying to sort his thoughts through what he just heard. Because he hadn't expected an apology. He hadn't expected Fili to wish to change.

He was afraid, yes. 

Afraid of hurting more.

But if there was even the slightest chance....

"You wish to change, to learn. That's enough for me." He replied smiling carefully.

Fili looked at Kili then, having expected he brunet to push him away. Instead what he saw was that flicker of hope he remembered on their wedding night.

The blond returned his small grin, shoulders sagging in visible relief. Fili shifted a little closer, placing his hands on Kili's waist. He gathered the brunet close, feeling his body tense.

“This won't make up for every night you've had no one to hold you,” Fili murmured. “... but I'll start here. If that's all right?”

Kili was so soft. He felt good against Fili's bare skin, body curled in, nuzzled up underneath Fili's chin.

He was different. Not like the hard body he was used to being pressed against. Not as muscled, or thick in frame, but just as warm. Fili ran his fingers through Kili's curly hair, gently touching the ends and tucking them behind his ear.

Kili tilted his head in the touch, Fili's fingers tickling his scalp and the skin on his ear as the hair was tucked behind it. "You're warm." He murmured quietly, his eyelids sliding shut.

“So are you,” Fili said, lips quirking slightly.

Kili seemed to like being pet. He reminded Fili of a cat, how he would lean in and hum a little, or make small noises akin to purrs as Fili dragged his nails over his scalp and the nape of his neck. He was positively melting under Fili's hands, soaking in the comfort and affection like a sponge. He fell asleep there, held in the blond's arms, head resting against his chest.

It was the first time Fili actually slept in this bed an entire night, or didn't stay up with the intention to leave it.


	4. Chapter 4

Kili was a warm comfort in his arms, the brunet curled around him, clinging, soaking in Fili's warmth and the soft affections the blond gave him when he awoke again. The sun had already risen, and the window was open letting in a cool breeze, curtains billowing slightly.

Fili still had his arms tight around the brunet, absently petting him. This was something Fili saw himself getting used to. 

Kili's soft body, the smell of his hair, and the little whimpers he made when Fili shifted a little too much.

It was very endearing, and Fili wondered what else he had missed in those several nights Kili slept alone. The brunette woke up slowly, uncurling his body in a long stretch that left him feeling like a boneless pile in Fili's arms.

“Good morning,” Fili said, watching Kili with a sleepy smile. “Rest well?”

"Better than in a long time." Kili admitted yawning widely. "How about you?"

“Very good, actually.” Fili chuckled a little, yawning himself and popping his jaw. He mumbled a half-hearted 'excuse me', rubbing his chin. “You're soft.”

Softer than anyone Fili had ever held. He rather liked the feeling. It made his muscles relax, made him feel lazy.

"Soft? I hope you're not implying that I'm fat." Kili teased lightly, his eyes regaining just a tad of the youthful playfulness as he stared at Fili.

“Nothing wrong with that,” Fili said, looking at Kili with a half grin. “If you were.” He poked the brunet's side playfully.

Kili chuckled, squirming a bit further away from Fili. "Well you're... you're going to turn to Santa sooner than I am."

“I can live with that, he's a jolly man.” Fili smiled, placing his hands on Kili's waist. He pulled him close again, the sudden familiarity giving him pause.

The blond's smile fell slightly, and he looked at Kili with a little bit of uncertainty. They were mere inches apart. His heart, Fili found, was pounding a little too hard.

He could see the uncertainty in Kili's eyes, a look that mirrored his own before the brunette reached out and touched Fili's jaw gently.

"Uhm.... breakfast?"

“Yea. Yea let's... do that.” Fili cleared his throat a little, still watching Kili's face. He made no move to get up first.

"Alright, let's... let's do that." Kili echoed quietly, having to actually force himself to pull away from Fili's arms and sit up.

Fili missed the warmth of him almost immediately. He fought the urge to curl his fingers into Kili's nightshirt, letting the younger man sit up. He followed suit slowly, yawning again as he did so. Fili dressed first, reaching for the pair of trousers he left on the floor prior, tugging them up over his thighs. He tried not to be troubled by the sudden odd emotion welling in his gut.

At least Kili seemed happier. He still moved with care, but he looked less like he was trying to hide something. There was less tension, and Fili no longer felt the overwhelming urge to flee.

In it's place was curiosity. He had seen Kili cook before. It wasn't a new task to Fili, but it fascinated him somewhat. The way he cracked eggs or panned toast, quietly humming to himself.

Several months of suffocating each other's presence, and Kili knew how he liked his coffee. Fili never realized how much he appreciated that, until Kili pressed the mug into his hands.

“You... are kind of incredible.” Fili said, glancing from the swirling cream to Kili's smiling face.

"I'm just very observant." Kili replied with a chuckle, tapping his own head. "And I have a good memory." 

He brought the plates to the table, sitting with Fili to eat. It was the first meal he remembered having with Fili where they actually spoke instead of just sitting in silence, not looking at each other.

It was good. Very good. Fili didn't remember if Kili's cooking was always this delicious. But today in particular, his eggs were perfect. The toast was golden brown, the bacon crispy and the coffee particularly smooth and creamy.

And Kili looked a dream with his bedhead, face serene, calm. Lips upturning every time Fili looked at him.

It might get his heart to skip a beat, this genuine kindness.

No one had actually gone out of their way this much for him before. Not even...

Fili worried his bottom lip, looking down at his half-finished plate.

“You've always made me breakfast,” Fili recounted. “And dinner was always waiting for me when I came home. You'd leave it wrapped up right where I sit. You brought me tea when I'm lost reading something. And I never thought about it. Or thanked you.”

Kili lowered his cup of coffee surprised, not having expected the sudden words. They were true, but he hadn't thought Fili would acknowledge him that way.

"Well... I couldn't let you starve, could I? It gave me something to do and gave me a peace of mind to take care of you."

“I half expected you to let me fend for myself,” Fili said, chuckling. “I thought I would be looking out for me, strictly. Fill up on pints and bread and whatever was quick to get at the market. I pegged you for getting revenge where you could. For a while, I felt like you were probably as bitter as I was.”

Which Fili felt vindicated his behavior. Made him feel right, even if it was a lie.

“... but from how this tastes, the little things you do...” Fili placed the mug down. “... I think, or I feel like you've been in love with me from the start. But,” the blond shrugged, looking at Kili with a crooked smile. “I could also just be flattering myself.”

Either Fili said something wrong already, or he was right. Kili said nothing to that however, only took his dishes as they were emptied and started to wash, his face flushed from his cheeks down to his neck.

Fili felt a little bad, of course. In his stubborn resolve he couldn't see it until now. He treated Kili poorly, and he still cared for him. Through tea, food, little gestures. Things so simple, one didn't really think about it.

It would bother Fili for a long time.

Even if Kili did give him this chance to make up for it. The ring was a promise made without his consent, but Fili wanted to do right by him.

Standing slowly, Fili moved to Kili's side, and gently kissed his cheek. “Thank you.” He murmured.

Kili smiled at the kiss, turning to look at Fili warmly. "It's no trouble." He murmured tilting his head back a bit before resuming cleaning the dishes.

This was the first time in months Fili stayed home, not holed up in the study. He was with Kili the entirety of the time, if the house didn't need its maintenance. 

Kili was good at keeping up with a lot of housework. Dusting, wiping things, sweeping floors. It appeared that's how he spent most of his day, if he weren't tending to his flowers.

The roses were particularly lush. Especially after receiving a gentle shower of water. It smelled sweet, aromatic and calming.

Fili hadn't really appreciated it before until now. They sat at a stone bench, Kili having trimmed the albertine, amazone and romantic reds. Kili showed him how to trim down the stems, and carefully remove the thorns.

They spoke of flowers a lot, but it was nice to sit in silence this time. Fili gently passed messages through blossoming buds. Tiffany hybrids of pink and white, gentleness and grace. Yellow suela, a new start. White glamis castles, innocence. Red barely blossomed goddesses, purity.

Small traits. Every single one reminding Fili of Kili, and how grateful he was for him.

“Might have mixed up yellows,” Fili said as he tucked one more behind Kili's ear. A red tipped centennial star, gold in gradient and a lovely contrast to Kili's face and his dark hair. “Two means friendship. Thornless is... beginnings. Bi-colors...”

Fili tucked a loose lock of hair behind Kili's ear.

“Falling in love?”

"Correct." Kili nodded carefully, not wanting to drop the flowers from his hair. His heart was beating faster, smile turning a bit shyer and hopeful before he glanced at Fili.

"...Are you?"

Fili looked down between them at the basket, freshly stemmed flowers pillowed by soft cloth. Kili would dry them, or put them in a vase to set in the middle of the table. It brought their home an array of colors.

“... I think I can.” Fili said finally, looking at Kili. “It'd be so easy. If you keep looking at me like that.”

"Like... what?" Kili asked curiously, cheeks darkening a bit as he brushed his fingers against the flowers in his hair.

Gently touching the ends of Kili's curling hair, tugging on the tight swirls lightly. Fili gingerly stroked Kili's cheekbones, fingertips brushing over his jaw.

“Just like that,” Fili said softly.

Kili looked confused, but leaned in the touch carefully. "I don't know how I look at you." He murmured quietly, smiling slightly.

“Like I'm everything you see,” Fili smiled in turn. “Like I can make you happy.”

Despite everything. Months of pain, lonely nights, and Kili stayed. He remained hopeful beyond hurt, and gave Fili a second chance. One he thought he didn't deserve.

He was so devoted, caring. Willing to see Fili happy, no matter how it pained him.

"Well... I mean..." Kili bit on his lip, cheeks reddening further. "...You could. Make me happy I mean. With time and... devotion." 

“I made a promise at the altar,” Fili said. “You've been a better man than I keeping true to those vows. Quietly suffering because of me...”

He took Kili's hand then. “I want to do better by you. I want to make you happy. You deserve better.”

"Speaking these words are enough for me." Kili replied smiling, squeezing Fili's hand gently. "They give me hope." He admitted, brushing a curl behind his ear.

“I'm glad,” Fili smiled slowly in turn.

But he wanted to give Kili more than hope. More than words. Carefully, Fili took his hand back and plucked up a deep red rose, and a dark orange, removing their stems. Love, passion. Barely bloomed wedding white, virginity. He placed pressed them unto Kili's palms gingerly.

Kili's fingers curled around the flowers, lips curling in a warm smile. Fili seemed to be bad with words so he spoke with flowers, language they both understood.

He reached out for the bushes, tugging out several flowers carefully. Pink carnation for gratitude, a lilac for a first love, a pansy for loving thoughts and lastly, a white tulip for forgiveness. 

He smiled carefully, placing them on Fili's hand.

Sweet gestures, innocent and pure intentions. Kili was a fragile soul, kind and forgiving. It made Fili's heart ache as he touched the lilac.

He was Kili's first love. Kili's first hope.

Something blossomed in Fili's heart then. Strong in urge, to protect and keep. Placing the flowers into the basket, the blond placed a hand on Kili's chin, and drew up his head, looking into those shy eyes. With a crooked smile of his own, he closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Kili's slightly parted mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

Warm, yet uncertain. Fili held Kili's chin so gingerly, and kissed him so softly, as if he were holding something very tenuous in his hands. This connection they were making now, it felt thin, built on the remains of the things Fili was so certain of at first. There was a lot to do still yet. A lot to mend and more to discover.

The blond parted carefully, and sighed gently through his nose.

Kili exhaled shakily as their lips parted, eyelids fluttering open, cheeks a light shade of red like the rose he kept in his hand.

"....I think I could get used to that." He finally said licking his lips, chasing the lingering taste of Fili from them before giving him a nearly shy smile.

Fili glanced down between them, blinking slowly. 

“I apologize,” he said quietly, even as he held Kili's hands. “I'm glad, its just...”

How quick Fili was to start treating Kili like this. Duty-bound he was because of this arrangement, but it still felt out of sorts. Kili was so deserving of the affection he was sorely denied, and Fili would be happy to give it to him.

Anything he could possibly ask for, or need.

Still, something bothered him.

"It's just... what?" Kili asked carefully, not able to help the doubt and uncertainty from creeping in his tone. 

“Kili,” Fili could hear the slight panic. He looked back into his husband's eyes, and saw the fear there. He fought the urge to touch his face, and instead gently squeezed his fingers.

“Don't doubt the things I've said,” He murmured. “Please don't. I am just... afraid, really. I fall quickly, and overwhelmingly. I become so lost in that feeling I tend to... forget everything else. I fear that I would frighten you with it. I know little, other than your small passions for flowers. How can I love you... how can I claim it if I don't even know who you are?”

Kili swallowed turning his head a bit, focusing his gaze on their joined fingers. Fili had a point of course, and he drew his lower lip between his teeth.

"Then... you just have to learn me." He finally replied, smiling a bit. "Ask questions, observe."

It was such a simple answer. Something that eased the knot in his chest, but only slightly. There was a lot Fili knew of himself that didn't sit well.

“I was poor at the start at being your friend,” Fili murmured. “And I am too quick to make you promises.”

Ones he were so determined to keep, if it would bring Kili happiness.

“I fear I'm too quick to touch you or kiss you.” Fili licked his drying lips. “Without knowing you, anyhow. But I will learn you, if you are willing to teach me.”

"You already learned the plants." Kili pointed out smiling gently. He brought Fili's hand up, pressing a butterfly kiss on his knuckles. "And you're my husband. I'd be happy to teach you." 

The little gesture made his heart twinge. Fili merely watched him carefully, before nodding, offering a small smile in turn.

“I will tread slowly,” Fili promised in turn. As carefully as he could. There was nothing more he wanted then to save this, to build it up, and watch it flourish. To watch Kili flourish. “I will be gentle with you. Everything you're willing to share with me... I'm honored by it.”

"It'll be easier if you asked or told me what you wish to know." Kili chuckled returning back to tending the flowers, his fingers gentle as he tugged out the weeds.

"I'm rather bad at talking about myself."

Fili laughed then, soft under his breath. “It's all right. I blather on if no one stops me, I'll tell you that now.”

He ran a hand through his short hair, leaning against his knees to watch Kili work.

“Tell me about your family,” He requested finally.

Kili hummed softly, brushing a curl behind his ear. "My mom's really nice. She's gentle and wasn't the type to actually force me into anything I wasn't comfortable with. She likes to bake too, her cakes are to die for." 

He smiled, placing few lilacs in the basket. "My father's the quiet type-- he doesn't talk much and he cares a lot about the family image. He seems a bit rough at times but I still love him."

“I know strict fathers well,” Fili said, watching Kili prune away at the plants. He knew strict fathers probably a little too well.

"They just wanted the best for me." Kili replied smiling a bit. "They could have married me off to Graham."

Fili coughed then, hitting his chest. “Graham?”

He only knew one Graham, and hearing the name took him by surprise. “The metalworker? McTavish?”

"Yeah, that's him." Kili agreed, giving Fili a tiny smile. "He was one of those voicing their interest in having my hand." 

But they had declined, not only because he was large and older-- definitely someone who would break Kili-- but also because he had felt unsure around the man when they were left alone.

“He's one of my father's cousins,” Fili said then, rubbing the back of his neck. “So only one of the men asking for you?”

There must have been an entire line. Fili was certain of it, if Kili's family had put out that they were looking for someone suitable for their son.

"Males, females.... there were many." Kili admitted, smudging dirt on his chin as he moved around. "None of them felt right, none of them made me feel comfortable."

Fili lapsed into thought then. Kili was at least given a chance to try and decide for himself. Worrying his lower lip, Fili stared down at his knees, squashing the envy. In the end, since Kili picked no one, his parents decided for him.

He hadn't met the man outside of the altar.

Fili couldn't blame him. And he already promised he wouldn't.

“It's unfortunate you would be stuck with me,” Fili looked off to the side, grinning weakly at one of the rose bushes. “Someone who rejected you... when all those people extended their hands.”

"I would not say that it's unfortunate." Kili replied shaking his head, sitting back on his heels. "Sure, we had a rough start, but I don't think any of the arranged marriages actually worked immediately. You have to learn the other, despite being married."

“I know, still yet...” Fili glanced back at Kili, who still quietly tended to his plants. “... it hurts when you are unwanted. Or pushed away.”

It hurt terribly. Fili understood his own reasons. He knew he couldn't help the people he left with scars. He could only apologize.

"I know." Kili muttered quietly, pinching his finger on one of the thorns of the roses and flinched lightly. It hurt a lot, he would know. He had spent months on his own in a house that was too big.

But things would work out now, as long as they worked together.

Fili stood up, carefully moving beside Kili when he saw him flinch. He dug in his pocket for a handkerchief, and gently took the brunet's hand in his own. He brushed the soil away, and looked at the small puncture as it bled.

He pressed on Kili's finger with the fine cloth, and held his hands in his own.

“I will not do so again,” Fili said quietly. “I won't push you away. And I hope I will be someone you can come to some day.”

Kili's smile was hesitant, and his gaze soon flickered down on the handkerchief held around his fingers. "I hope your words are true." He whispered softly, watching a the crimson blossom on the surface of the fabric. 

"I'm not sure if I could take another rejection. I would love to be able to come to you whenever I need you-- whether it's just to talk or get a small kiss."

“Whatever you need from me,” Fili said automatically. “Talking, kissing... everything I missed. But I want you to do that on your own time. When you're ready for those things.”

When he's ready for anything. Fili would be happy to be there for him. He wrapped Kili's finger carefully, then reached for his messy mop of curling hair, brushing a lock behind his ear.

Kili leaned close, pressing a quick peck on Fili's lips before smiling and returning to the flowers. "I'm afraid I'm not such an interesting person in the end. I like orange and blue, I listen to all kinds of music. Can't stand the smell of blue cheese." He wrinkled his nose.

Laughing softly, Fili sat on the back of his shins, watching Kili with interest. “It's a start. No one is really all that interesting. But to the right person, you can sound like the most fascinating being on the planet.”

And to Fili, Kili really did sound fascinating. Even if every interest was mundane, or ordinary. From his flowers to his love for prose. He would be so very easy to love. And for Fili, it was a little frightening.

His previous lover was a rough man. One with a personality as hard hitting as his own. Fili didn't have to be as careful. Here, he could see from Kili's demeanor, his soft gaze and how quiet he was in his hurts, his hands would have to be gentle. His heart would have to be cradled very gently. Fili feared overwhelming him with his own unintentional ferocity.

In return, Kili learned bits and pieces about Fili he hadn't been aware of before. He stored every piece of information away, wanting to remember Fili's hatred for pickles so he would not use that particular dish for him.

He stood up after a moment, holding the basket full of flowers in his hand. "I'm done here."

“Mm,” Fili stood as well, dusting off the soil from his knees. He helped Kili gather the gardening tools, and placed the sheers away, flicking off clippings and stray bits of grass. He walked with him back to the shade of their shared home, Fili sighing in content at the feeling of the temperature drop when they entered the cool shade of the foyer.

He glanced around at the little things decorating the walls. Paintings and furniture donated by relatives, bottle-neck vases full of the flowers Kili had plucked up from the garden previous days. Fili touched one that was on the verge of completely wilting, and held the petals in his palms as they fell.

“Well,” Fili looked to the brunet, and smiled gently. “What now?”

"We need to change the dying flowers in the new ones." Kili replied kicking his shoes away. "Take the vase." He added over his shoulder, making his way in the kitchen.

He left the basket on the table before walking around the house, picking up vases from the living room, the hallway, even the bedroom.

Fili followed Kili's instructions, working with him silently as they changed the flowers and the water. He hadn't realized how floral their home had actually gotten. Kili spent so much time in his garden, or holed up here, quietly cleaning while his husband was 'away'.

It appeared that keeping busy was the biggest part of his coping. Still, Fili couldn't help but wonder how much grief he actually hid.

Fili placed the last vase onto their table, careful to not spill any of the water. Kili was good in his arrangement of them, bright austin roses and primulas in deep purple and red contrasting the sun-kissed orange.

“... Are you really so quick to forgive me?” Fili asked then.

Kili looked surprised by the question, arranging the flowers in the vase with gentle fingers. "Forgive and forget. There's no use to hold a grudge against someone who is willing to change." He pointed out smiling, straightening once he was finally done with the arrangements.

“I know, it's just that people don't just think that way.” Fili said, shaking his head. “People have this... over romanticized view of what love is supposed to be like. Admittedly I'm one of those people. In this day and age who isn't. But the reality...” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing the short blond hair.

Fili sighed heavily. “The reality is that... I did something horrible to you. You should be lashing out at me. You should be yelling. You should have yelled at me from the start. You should have smashed that vase right over my head and walked out.”

"That's not just who I am." Kili replied with a shrug of his shoulders, fixing the petals absently before leaning his hip against the table. "I was hurt, of course I was. But at the same time I could not blame you. You had someone before me, you had someone before you were thrown into this. It's not your fault."

Fili knew it wasn't. Circumstances as they were, yet he still felt that Kili deserved better than him. Deserved everything he had been denied. Deserved the things he wanted, a life of happiness and certainty. Not quietness, idleness. Messes.

“Apologies,” Fili said, rubbing the back of his neck, then over his face. “I... do fret. A lot. I will warn you for that now. I over think. And at times the decisions I make are unclear. I imagine in that hurt, what little adoration you had for me has wilted. I feel guilty, still yet.”

"No." Kili shook his head immediately, reaching over to take Fili's hand on his own. "Despite everything, my feelings never changed." He admitted, a light pink rising on his cheeks.

"You are my first love, my first kiss. First everything I suppose." He added, smiling nearly shyly. "And I know we can fix this."

“Don't just say that for my benefit,” Fili said, returning his smile weakly. It gave him a sense of hope. And it scared him, strangely. It scared him to the point of his breath coiling tight in his chest. He was so afraid to lose it. “I don't know how to mend broken hearts. I don't know how to fix the ones I break.”

"Time will fix it." Kili replied smiling. "We'll just help it along a bit." He linked their hands together, pressing Fili's hand against his chest, above his heart. "Feel that? It's beating for you."

He could feel it. A gentle beat beneath his palm, and left Fili feeling oddly warm. And at the same time, very, very raw.

Fili closed his eyes, and worried his lower lip between his teeth. He lowered his head a little, and was content to just feel.

“How could I have hurt you...” he mumbled, each beat leaving an ache deep in the core of his own heart.

"You were angry and had someone else in your life." Kili replied gently, his other hand sliding through Fili's hair.

"But it's no use to dwell in the past-- nothing good comes out of it. You need to look towards the future."

“Like nothing ends,” Fili nodded, opening his eyes to look at the other. “Like my joy is forever. And happiness awaits. I know. But I cannot help this.” He looked over Kili's calm face, and the soft coloring his cheeks.

Fili wanted to believe something real could blossom here. Something Kili rightly deserved. Fili was already falling too quickly. He was so kind, so beautiful, with a sweet soul, and Fili was terrified of snuffing out his light.

"You'll get used to that thought." Kili promised smiling at him gently. At least from his side-- he was willing to give Fili this chance, and he knew the man would not disappoint him intentionally again.

"Now then, I'm starving-- what should I make for dinner?"

Fili smiled slowly, chuckling a little. He supposed he would. But for now...

“Make your favorite.” He said. “Or... I'd be delighted if you showed me how to make your favorite.”

Kili looked surprised by the request, but the smile that spread on his lips was warm and filled with warmth.

"I'd love to." 

*

Fili followed Kili's instructions on grinding fresh herbs and seasoning meat. Kili was patient with him, showing him how to properly cut the vegetables and cook them. By the end of it, the kitchen smelled heavenly. Fili had a single cut on his finger from his hand slipping on the cucumber, mended by a little wrapping and Kili's own reassuring smile.

They ate together in comfort. Or in what comfort Fili could see on Kili's face. Still yet, he felt restless. But he kept his worries to himself.

Kili cast the man a soft smile, taking a bite of the meat. "See, this is good. Delicious even." He chuckled leaning his elbow against the table, brushing the curls from his eyes. 

"What about you, what's your favorite dish?"

You'd laugh,” Fili smiled sheepishly, pushing one of the carrots around the light sauce. “It's a really simple thing.”

"Nothing wrong with simple." Kili replied chuckling. "Go on, tell me."

“Pan-toast.” Fili said, not glancing up at the other man. “Wheat. Or rye. Whatever bread, honestly. Toasted on a pan with butter. I had a nanny who did that for me every morning. She was a kind elderly woman.”

Someone who looked after him when his parents could not. He remembered her more than he remembered seeing his own mother and father.

"Pan-toast, huh. It's rather good." Kili replied smiling. "Nothing wrong with that."

“I imagine not,” Fili said, looking back at Kili with soft expression. He placed his fork down. He was finished. “I usually associate food with good memories. I imagine this one is yours?”

"Mother used to make this on my birthdays." Kili admitted smiling. "She would ask me what I wished to eat and I would always reply the same."

Fili made a note of it, wanting to remember this. He would likely ask Kili for the recipe later. At least he knew now what brought him joy on that day. His favorite food, a gift.

“She sounds like a sweet woman,” Fili said. He only met her twice, but even then they hadn't talked much.

"She truly is." Kili agreed smiling, picking up their dishes and placed them in the sink. "I'm sure you'll grow to like her as well."

“If she's where you got your mannerisms from,” Fili began, grinning. “I suppose so.”

Kili cast him an amused look over his shoulder, filling the sink with water and added the soap. "You could say so. You would get along well, I know that."

"You think so?” Fili chuckled, leaning on his hand. He watched Kili as he rolled up his sleeves to take care of their dishes, before standing. He made his way over to Kili's side, grabbing a towel for drying.

"I know so." Kili smiled, handing Fili the dishes one by one as he cleaned and rinsed them. It was a comfortable silence that descended upon them, one that caused the brunette to hum as they cleaned together.

Fili listened quietly as Kili hummed, seeming content in his little chores. He helped where he could, with the little things around the house. Kili showed him how to care for the wood panels, to trim indoor potted plants.

This house really was much too big. But it didn't feel so empty with Kili at his side. His soft smile, his overall calm presence. It eased Fili's own heart, the tension in his muscles and the worries that lay heavy on his mind.

Later in the evening they returned to their shared room, Fili looking over the bed with a sense of new familiarity. He hadn't stayed long enough to really appreciate this space, or the person he shared it with. His eyes flit over the paintings, the clock, the bedposts and the sheets.

Fili sat down on the edge of the mattress, letting the softness pull the tension away from his muscles. He sighed in content, fighting the urge to lay against the pillows. He had pulled out of his shirt, laying back once he felt the warm air of the room hit his skin. He closed his eyes as he head sank back into the pillows, breathing in the fresh scent of pine and mint. And something else. Something floral, a lot like Kili's scent after long work in the gardens.

Eyes fluttering slightly, Fili gave Kili a fond smile.

Kili returned the smile, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Going to be another warm night." He mumbled sliding up on the bed, resting his head against the pillows.

“Yea,” Fili nodded. “I don't really mind them, though.”

He liked to feel warm. Humid air was kind of nice on his skin, made a perfect excuse to be without clothing. But he kept his modesty, save for the shirt.

"No, I'd rather take warmth over cold any day." Kili agreed chuckling, cracking his fingers absently, eyelids fluttering shut.

“I like snow though,” Fili said with a soft laugh. He shifted a little, turning his body towards Kili slightly. But he still looked up at the canopy of their bed. “Fresh snow. Winter white... reminds me of feathers when it falls. And it leaves the world in this... blanket of beauty.”

The words tugged Kili's lips in a soft smile, fingers curling on the sheets. "I'm all about that beauty. Not so much the cold or the wetness."

“Perhaps you're more of an observer,” Fili smiled. “I like being out in it to. Something about catching snowflakes on the tongue. Makes me feel like a child again.”

No responsibilities. No worries, no anything. Just playful winter memory. Snowball fights, raucous laughter, the smell of pine trees. Lights, hot chocolate, warm fires.

“I like christmas,” He shrugged.

"Christmas is one of my favorite holidays." Kili agreed smiling nearly dreamily. "The lights, the colors, the atmosphere... I love it all. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy."

Of course presents were a big plus, but he loved the holiday for the beauty of it. 

"And the food's delicious." He added chuckling.

Fili watched his face with fond eyes, lips quirking slightly. “Yea, it is. There's nothing better than Christmas pudding right after tearing through gifts...”

Although, Fili couldn't remember a good Christmas. Not since he was very, very young. When he started to pull away from his family, the holiday cheer seemed to have left him. Instead what was left was a feeling of distance and forced smiles as Fili would be dragged home from whatever he was doing that embarrassed their family.

The gifts were grand, but empty gestures.

"I have to agree." Kili smiled curling on his side, watching Fili curiously. He could read sadness in his eyes, a look he desperately wanted to wipe away with any way he could.

"This will be our first christmas together." He murmured softly.

“It would be,” Fili agreed, raising his brows. The warm weather was ending, it was slowly getting colder. Winter would be upon them soon enough. The flowers in the home would be replaced by holly, fuzzy streamers and lights.

“I can see how much you adore making this home feel and look incredible,” Fili said with a weak grin. “I'm afraid I'm shite at decorating. But I can cut you down a decent tree.”

"Then I will just teach you." Kili replied smiling. "I want the house to have your touch as well, no matter how horrible you claim to be in decorating."

You might regret that,” Fili laughed. “My choices are atrocious. You'd probably spend more time straightening wreathes than getting anything else finished.”

"I don't mind." Kili chuckled shaking his head, stifling another yawn on the back of his hand. "We're doing it together."

It was contagious. Fili found himself turning his head, squeezing his eyes tight and let out a yawn of his own. He settled his arm down, hand brushing against Kili's elbow.

Kili was so patient. Kind, and understanding. Willing to keep at it, to find happiness. Fili vaguely wondered if he would eventually run him dry.

For now... all he could do was give him what he could. Fili carefully took Kili's hand in his own, and curled their fingers together.

Kili's fingers curled around Fili's own in response, his lips tugging in a soft smile as he shifted closer and rested his forehead against their joined hands.

Such a tiny action filled him with warmth, had his heart fluttering.

It was such a simple thing, but it gave the man a little bit of comfort, to see such a pretty look on Kili's face as he moved a little closer. Fili was glad to provide even a little bit of affection for him. For the first time in a while, Fili felt at ease, the tension of the previous days leaving him knowing Kili was happier, and finally at peace.

They fell asleep that way, with Fili's gentle touch and Kili's soft breathing.


	6. Chapter 6

It was slow threading after that.

Kili was patient, teaching Fili what he liked, what he disliked. His hopes, dreams, what made him laugh and what made him emotional.

In return he got to learn a lot about Fili in turn, the tension and weight of guilt slowly rising in their home.

Autumn was closing in, coloring everything in hues of orange and red, the flowers slowly wilting away ready to grow again in the spring.

Cinnamon, hazel nut.

The kitchen always smelled very sweet. Fresh pies, croissants. Kili was always baking, fingers with remnants of flour and sugar and butter. Fili slept to the scent of it on his skin, the lingering aroma of pumpkin, apples, and brown sugar.

He could taste it on Kili's lips. The kisses they shared were few, but no less welcome. Fili was generous in his comforts, but only when the other sought them.

More often than not it was after a long day, when it was getting colder, and the fires were started. Fili found himself in his chair, book in hand, reading away at another promiscuous adventure of thieves and destinies, lost in another world. Kili would come to him, and sit within the same chair, curling close with flour on his nose, smelling of cookies and fresh bread.

It was comfortable. Stable. Worry free.

For once, Fili felt no tension. Only warmth, and gentleness.

He ran his fingers through curly hair, and kissed Kili's temple lightly.

"There will be fresh pie in a hour." Kili murmured, lips curling at the kiss that was pressed on his temple. "Perhaps pumpkin pie next?" He added turning his head, pressing a soft kiss on Fili's nose.

“You'll have a fat santa for a husband at the rate you're baking,” Fili chuckled, shaking his head. He turned a page, but wasn't quite focusing on the next paragraph.

"That wouldn't be that bad." Kili chuckled curling closer, nipping Fili's ear lightly.

Fili suppressed a shiver at the nibble, raising both brows at the other man. But Kili only seemed as he usually did. Serene, but strangely affectionate.

“Would it then?” He asked, grinning crookedly. “A soft bellied husband is the sign of a happy one. Or so I've been told.”

His mother's galas has enough gossip among the married. Fili heard the phrase often enough.

"If that's true, then I just have to keep feeding you." Kili snickered playing with Fili's hair lightly, tugging carefully. 

“I'll be as round as a ham,” Fili laughed softly at the tug, finally closing the book with a soft thud. He placed it aside, then touched his hands to Kili's side. He pressed their foreheads together, looking up at him from beneath his lashes.

"At least I'd know what to have for christmas dinner." Kili teased leaning in the touch, heart fluttering at the contact. His fingers rested on Fili's neck, absently plucking on the shirt.

“I'd taste awful,” Fili replied, smiling. “Or nothing like ham, with the amount of sugar you get into me.”

Still, Fili knew he'd never be sick of Kili's baking. Or how he hummed and smiled as he did so, or the little accidents he had in the kitchen that left his arms and face speckled with dough or brown sugar.

"You're just the dessert then." Kili laughed pecking Fili's lips lightly, smiling as he rested their foreheads back together.

When the garden died and he could no longer busy himself with it, he would work in the kitchen. Baking, cooking. And seeing Fili enjoy what he cooked made it all worth a while.

“You're very sugary yourself today,” Fili commented, nuzzling their foreheads. “In personality, if not in taste...”

He gently pecked him back.

“Not that it's a bad thing,” He added warmly. “Have you always been so sweet..?”

"I suppose I have." Kili replied chuckling, his cheeks flushing lightly. "You're the first to taste me, so it must be true."

“I am, aren't I.” Fili said, his expression falling a little.

How much Kili surely missed in his oncoming years. Experiences lost to the arrangement of family politics. The awkward first kiss, summer love, lessons yet to be learned. Life, as it should be.

“There are times I forget how young you are,” he murmured.

"It's alright." Kili replied immediately, cupping Fili's chin with care. Nearly ten years was a big age cap, but he truly didn't mind. Sure, Fili had more experience than he did, but he hoped the man would be willing to teach him anyway.

"I'll learn with you."

“I know you would,” Fili said, leaning into Kili's touch. “Although, I fear I would become more like your parent than your lover in time. Or a brother, at the very least.”

He shook his head. “You'll have to forgive me.”

Kili frowned a bit-- the last time Fili had said to be his friend, they had just drifted further apart. He didn't want that. Not when his heart yearned, when he wished to be close to the blond.

So with a shake of his head he leaned close, pressing his lips on Fili's own, coaxing him in a gentle kiss.

But the blond could only close his eyes, and allow the other to kiss him. Fili kept his hands still, his mouth slightly parted.

He felt his heart ache.

Kili nipped Fili's lower lip carefully before pulling back ashamed. He wasn't sure which felt worse-- Fili's earlier words, or his unresponsiveness in the kiss.

“Kili,” Fili moved his hand to the back of Kili's neck, and held him there. He lifted his chin, looking at him. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you with what I've said... these are just my fears. Please understand, I... wish to give you the things you want. I want to do right by you. This means speaking of the things that frighten me. It means talking, it means...” he sighed. “Every day has brought me closer to you. I'd be a hypocrite if I go on and on about what it means to have a choice, and not even give that option to you.”

“You don't have to settle for me because I am the result of having no one else being dubbed suitable,” The blond placed both hands on Kili's cheeks. “You are so, so young... What do you _want_ , Kili?”

"I would not kiss you if I didn't want you." Kili replied quietly, avoiding Fili's gaze. "I wouldn't bake or cook for you. I would have left ages ago if I didn't believe this could work out." He muttered, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I might not have had the chance to choose who I ended up with, but I chose to stay."

“And if I could give you that chance?” Fili asked, brushing a lock of hair behind Kili's ear. “To be... a young man. To go out and find the things that could bring you happiness. Real happiness. Experiences. What then?”

"What do you mean 'what then'?" Kili asked tilting his head a bit. "You already do that. You make me happy. You make feel, you make my heart flutter."

There were many that made his own heart feel light in his past. People he felt close to, lost, kept, or kept at a distance.

Fili only hoped that Kili's words and feelings were true. The feelings of a boy only held so much meaning. Time would peel away the cloud to give him a clearer picture. Give them both a clearer picture.

He pulled Kili closer to him, and held him tightly. Then he kissed Kili's eyes, his nose, his lips. Smiling at the sight of Kili's happiness, Fili pushed his worries aside for now. Now, he could focus on simply making him happy. As happy as he possibly could.

Fili kissed Kili again, a little more firmly than he had at the start, pouring what he could into it. Fili adored him. If he loved him yet, he wasn't sure. But it was growing, and the feeling was warm, spreading from his chest to the tip of his fingers.

And Kili felt good against him, body soft and mouth pliant as Fili kissed his lips.

Fili kissed him until Kili until they both felt breathless, his lips a little pink from gentle suckles and nips. He was slow with his touch, hands running down the brunet's back, the blond reveling in the softness of the other.

He tugged on Kili's lips softly as he pulled back, placing another peck on his chin, and just below his jaw. His eyes flit over his young husband's face, before carefully tilting his head back to place another kiss on his throat.

Kissing a short line down Kili's throat, Fili nipped at the tip of his adam's apple, feeling it bob gently against his lips as his husband took in breath. Fili hadn't kissed him like this. Their intimacies went as far as the mouth, and even then Fili had never sought to taste him fully. Or anywhere else.

But he smelled so lovely, and he felt so soft. Fili would easily lose himself in him. So he did, languidly kissing at Kili's neck, the base of his throat, his collarbone.

He was sensitive, responsive, clutching at Fili's clothes and unconsciously pressing closer, seeking more touch. He felt Kili tremble a little with each little kiss, and heard his breath catch in his throat, felt him swallow as Fili mouthed over the soft skin. He kissed at Kili's throat until the skin became pink, sucking on the blushing surface until he left it dark.

Fili pulled back slowly, moving his hands to Kili's face, gently cupping him beneath his ears to draw him in for another kiss, pushing his tongue between slightly parted teeth.

This time Kili couldn't stop the quiet moan for slipping from his lips, swallowed by Fili's own. He sucked on his tongue eagerly, fingers digging on Fili's hair.

Kili felt quick to latch onto him, and Fili couldn't help but grin a little at the gentle pressure on his own tongue.

God he was young. And so eager, to the point Fili felt he may be taking advantage of Kili's wants and deepest desires. Fili could taste his inexperience, felt the clumsiness of his mouth, despite the many kisses they shared. Kili always felt so uncertain, lips trembling even as he sought his own personal pleasure from the blond's mouth. 

Fili was slow to pull away for air, their lips moist and puffy. Fili nipped Kili's again one final time, content to breathe his sweet scent.

“Your pie might burn,” Fili murmured, carding his fingertips through Kili's hair. He dragged his nails over his scalp, down the back of his neck, petting over his shoulders.

"Not been a hour yet." Kili murmured back, arching in the touch like a content cat. His fingers slid down Fili's back, as he glanced at the clock.

And leaped from his lap, running in the kitchen cursing.

Fili watched him go with an amused smile, shaking his head as he heard Kili swear up a storm and the iron door of the oven fly open.

He hadn't heard his passive husband so much as utter a single offensive word. But when it came to burning something, well, it was like seeing a side of him he kept well hidden. It was kind of funny to see, the a little bit of dark smoke rising and the clatter of the baking pan hitting the stove top.

Sighing a little, Fili heaved himself from his chair, making his way to the kitchen to help salvage the mess.

"If I scrape the edges a bit, I should be able to get most of the burnt dough away." Kili muttered grabbing a knife and started to carefully peel through the slightly darkened skin of the pie.

“Kili,” Fili began, watching Kili with interest as he slowly started to cut away at the burnt pieces. His brows were furrowed, mouth set in a frown. Still, Fili couldn't help but notice that glimpse of panic.

“Kili,” he repeated, placing a hand on the brunet's shoulder. “It's all right. I'm sure its fine.”

"It's not!" Kili argued, his grip of the knife tightening. "I did it all wrong-- this is not good, I can't make stupid mistakes like this, I was taught to do better--"

“Hey,” Fili gripped him a little bit tighter, moving his hand down the brunet's arm. He stilled his cutting, gently easing Kili's wrist to a slow stop. He carefully turned his husband to face him. “It's all right. It is.”

Kili didn't seem to believe him, his face between looking annoyed and anxiety ridden all at once. Fili placed a hand on his cheek.

“It's ok,” he repeated. “So you burnt a pie. Everyone makes mistakes. Besides, I was no help keeping you in my lap.”

"It's not right." Kili replied shaking his head, worrying his lower lip between his teeth until it was close to bleeding. "I can't make mistakes, I'm not _allowed_ to make mistakes. I can't be a disappointment."

Blinking, Fili stared at Kili for a time, searching his face. He was quite distraught, seeming shaken over something so trivial. Although, it looked as if this meant everything to Kili.

Perfection.

“You aren't,” Fili cupped the brunet's chin, running his thumb over his lower lip. “You're doing fine here. You're working very hard. Mistakes happen, Kili. That's _human_. No one can ask more of you than what you are capable. And even then... sometimes you fumble.”

Shaking his head, Fili pulled Kili close to him then, wrapping his arms around him. He held him tight, and kept him close.

“Being perfect is _impossible_ ,” Fili said immediately. “I don't expect that from you. Or anyone. People fuck up. You trip and fall. That's life. What you do is acknowledge what you did, say 'oops', and try again. Maybe not immediately, but later. Mistakes are made so you learn from them.”

He kissed the top of Kili's head.

“M'not perfect.” Fili went on. “Make shitty choices. I knock over chairs and I hurt delicate things. Often and always without meaning to. My world hasn't ended... yours certainly hasn't.”

Kili buried his face against Fili's shoulder, exhaling slowly. He pecked Fili's cheek, giving him a small smile of gratitude before returning to the pie. "I'm still going to try and save this."

“All right,” Fili nodded, smiling softly. As Kili started to peel away at the burnt dough, Fili leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek, and the side of his neck. He wrapped his arms around his husband's middle.

“Just try not to fret too much,” he murmured against Kili's skin. Fili nipped his ear playfully.

The pie was still exquisite in Fili's opinion, even if Kili refused to believe it was. It tasted perfect, the slightly burned pieces actually giving it an interesting flavor, reminding Fili of smoked maplewood.

He took two pieces instead of just one, his smile appreciative and happy. And it honestly was.

“You could have burned it to ash, and I still would have thought it perfect.” Fili said, taking Kili's plate away when he was finished. He pressed a sweet kiss to the corner of Kili's mouth, before he brought their dishes to sink.

Kili shook his head fondly before joining him by the sink, starting to dry the dishes Fili washed.

Once they were done, he wrapped his arms around Fili's neck and kissed his lips gently. "Thank you."

"I should be thanking you,” Fili laughed. His hands were a little moist from the wash, but he held Kili warmly, lovingly. He nuzzled the other man's nose. “I haven't had better baking, you know.”

"If that's the truth, then I'm very worried about your sense of taste." Kili laughed resting their foreheads together.

“Mother always has been worried about that,” Fili said, the corner of his lips quirking. “She always makes a face at the shirts I pick out.”

At Kili's confusion, Fili chuckled.

“It's a pun, love. It-- ah, never mind.” He shook his head, and kissed the tip of his nose. Fili sighed a little, and gently ruffled the soft curls at the back of his husband's head.

“Kili,” The blond began.

"Mh?" Kili hummed, turning his head a bit, comfortable with the way Fili held him. His gaze met his husband's, trying to read what could possibly be bothering him.

“Why perfect?” Fili asked. “I know it distressed you, and I beg you forgive me for wondering.”

It still sat with him. Kili's fear, and the way he looked so worriedly back at Fili, as if he expected him to react poorly.

"..." Kili lowered his gaze, worrying the already sore lip between his teeth for a moment before answering.

"That's how I was raised. To be a perfect husband, a perfect partner. No room for mistakes, unhappiness."

“Mm.” Fili nodded. He was careful with his touch, attempting to comfort Kili by petting his hair. He prompted the other man to continue.

Kili shrugged his shoulders a bit, releasing a quiet exhale. "I was taught to please my partner. To keep them fed, to be there beside them, to make sure they were happy. Every time I messed something up in the lessons, I would be punished."

That explained quite a lot. How upset Kili had gotten, that flicker of fear and overall anxiety for such a common mistake.

“Did you expect me to punish you?” Fili asked then.

"I expected you to get mad. Maybe shout at me." Kili admitted. "It's not that I fear you, it's just... what I've always got when I failed."

Verbal abuse and likely told to do it again and again until he got it right.

“Hm...” Fili bit the inside of his cheek, looking thoughtful. After a moment, he drew Kili just a little closer. “Funny thing about that... perfection, its not... real? Or achievable. Really. I told you that already.”

He smiled slowly. “I wouldn't yell at you over a pie... ha, it's a bit late for this. It's been almost a year, I think, we've been like this. Although I try not to count the months where I have been a far less than a 'perfect' partner myself. Or a human being for that matter.” Fili wrinkled his nose, and pushed back the negative thoughts. “Do you want to know the secret to a perfect relationship? To really be... a 'perfect' partner? Understanding that there is no way in every level of heaven, or earth, or _hell_ , that you won't make mistakes.”

He turned his head, and kissed Kili's ear. “You're going to make a lot of mistakes. Little ones, or big ones. You're going to unintentionally hurt me. I am going to more than likely do the same. It's inevitable.”

He rubbed Kili's shoulders gently. “We're going to get mad at each other. We're going to say things we don't mean. We're likely going to do things that annoy one another. We're going to miscommunicate. We will argue. And that's normal. You see... I don't expect this, or want this to be perfect cookies, perfect pies, a subservient husband who wastes his energies making sure I am happy. I am perfectly capable of seeking my own happiness. As are you.”

Fili paused for a moment. “A perfect partner... at least, from my experience, takes this to heart. A perfect partner willingly speaks to me of the things that bother them. Willingly wants to work at solving problems together. A perfect partner... simply does what they can. And does not have to paint a false picture of what they're taught is supposed to be flawless. A perfect partner takes care of themselves first. Before me.”

Fili held him tighter, and pressed another kiss to Kili's hair. “S'all right,” he said. “I know you were taught something else. It will take a long time to unlearn it. It will be hard.”

Very, very, very hard.

He pulled back carefully, and cupped Kili's face in his hands. Fili kissed him gently.

“I am here for you,” Fili murmured.

Kili smiled in the kiss, fingers brushing through Fili's hair. "Thank you." He murmured quietly, nudging their noses together lightly.

It really was easier said than done. As most things were. Kili did consider his words, and took them as he could.

And life would go on. Kili still prepared his meals, did the little chores. The things he was taught to do, and Fili helped as he was able to, asking Kili for instruction when he couldn't quite get it right.

Letters arrived, late, from Fili's parents regarding their well-being. Kind notes and updates of the going-ons at Fili's, or even Kili's, childhood homes. Nothing much had changed, only that they really needed to stop declining invitations to parties and social events, and they were expected to show their faces at least once during the winter celebrations.

At times the road was rocky and filled with thorns they tore themselves into, like Fili breaking his arm while he was shoveling the snow, Kili suffering from anxiety that lead into a lot of miscommunication, their first real fight that lead into Kili storming out and Fili desperately searching for him in middle of the night-- but they were also there for all the good; Kili's birthday and his laughter when Fili burnt the stew he so loved. Fili hanging up the christmas lights and looking proud for the rest of the evening for doing surprisingly decent job with it. The winter ball where Fili met his husband's parents and was pleased to see that Kili's mother was truly just like his son.

Despite the bumpy start their relationship flourished, just like the roses in their garden every summer .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short fic, but there's really only so much you can do with a story like this before you either run out of ideas or start to repeat yourself. I might add couple of time-stamps later though. Hopefully you enjoyed this story!


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